Ahhhhh........ Man, look how long it's been since this sweet thang has even been acknowledged?! Time for some major updates. I decided I need to start blogging again, for me. Since it's a New Year, I have been pondering alot on myself. Self reflection isn't really that fun when there are alot of things you want to change about yourself. But it needs to be done, so here we are, if there even is a WE (is anyone out there reading this?!) ...I'm here. That's what matters.
I've decided since I'm done having rugrats, it's time to get my lazy A back in shape. I have struggled with self image most of my life. Thought I was fat when I wasn't and now that I am, I sorely regret those moments of self pitty. Let's just put this out there. I have never been skinny, skinny. And I've never suffered from any real eating disorder. I love food too much and I loathe throwing up. So...dodged a bullet there. Phew! However, I am compulsive by nature, I have issues with control, and for those that really know me, well I can be a little intense at times. Sorry Boo. Sisters. :) I'm a stress eater. I like that I can control what I eat, when I eat and how much. This hasn't bode well for me in recent years, thus the ever-growing appendages and swelling in my butt and stomach. Yes, you heard me, swelling. If I could stick a pin in it and pop the fat out, I would. But I can't. I actually have a Bachelor's Degree in Exercise and Sport Science you know. You wouldn't think it by looking at me, but I LOVE to exercise. I have worked as a personal trainer. I LOVE teaching exercise. If I could make a living doing it, I would teach Pilates. Pure Heaven....<sigh>. SO, back to reality. Kids. Job - where I spend most of the day sitting. LIFE! It's soooo busy and complicated and messy. I need to get back to the basics. What really matter in life? What really matters to me?? My Boo; he's my rock and I think sometimes I forget that. My sweet, sweet boys. They are my breath. Those 3 (ok, and Mojo too!) are what matter to me. I matter to me. Back to the basics.
I've decided to make this blog about me. And yes, I am a Sleepwalking Mommy. But this blog will not be about my kids, although I will mention them because let's be honest, they are extremely adorable and hilarious and my world revovles around them. I want to make this blog about my trek to find myself again. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I need to get raw. With myself, with the world, if the world even cares. If I really want to make the changes I know I can, I need to say it, say it outloud, so it becomes real. Yes, my deepest darkest secrets (not transgressions, don't get too excited people). I need to be accountable. My whole life I have learned to be a God fearing person, but I don't fear God. I don't need to fear God. I need to fear myself. I am my own worst enemy. It's so easy to cheat and lie to yourself. Maybe I have just become so lazy and appathetic towards myself and the standard I should hold myself too, but I can't blame a messy and complicated life on the fact that I want to change and I don't. So no more excuses.
Starting tomorrow, I am weighing in and posting....my weight. That's right. I'm going to track my weight loss process on this blog. When Keith and I met I was swimming approximately 4.5 hours a week. I went to the gym. I was in the best shape of my life. I felt so good about myself, so confident. Ok so I didn't have 2 small kids, a dog and a husband. I wasn't even dating. And I didn't care about anything but living my life. Now I think and care about everything. Money, our future and making ends meet, house work, responsibilities....the list goes on and on and I just can't seem to let go. Well this is me.....letting GO! I hope, if anyone is out there reading this, you will go on this journey with me. My end goal is to get back into those Gap jeans rotting in dust inside my closet that I wore the first time I met my sweet Boo.
Here goes nothin'!!