Change is HARD

Blah. I'm having a particularly annoying day. I'm annoyed with myself. BIG surprise. I haven't been very patient with my best friend and he's doing SO much for me. I'm getting bottle necked with my own thoughts. I need to clear my head. I need to breathe. I need to relax. Patience....patience Cams.

So yeah, change is hard. Not just physical but mental and emotional change. I'm hitting the Trifecta today. Good thing it's finally Friday.

I was going to work out during lunch today. See, when I came back to work after having Ryne (my sweet little 10 month old chunk of a baby boy) I had an epiphany that I should just workout during my lunch break. Then I won't feel guilty at night for not exercising when there's so much going on at home. And you know, this was working really well for awhile. My good friend T and I were on a roll. Well that was before the holidays and I've gained all but 2.2 lbs of the 15 I'd lost. YUCK! Anyway, I have all of this exercise stuff, free weights, bands, balls, etc so I brought them to work and put them in one of the empty filing drawers in my office. So yeah, back to the grind. However, today I'm just not feeling it. I don't want to change my clothes. My back hurts. I'm feeling blue after being so impatient earlier. Yeah I know, just excuses. Well baby steps. The excuses are fine for right now. There will be days I won't be able to workout during lunch, due to deadlines, meetings, lunch appointments, etc. You get the idea. So I'm not going to let 1 day get me down, since I'm still on this journey. You know, last night I totally failed with my dinner choice. We had Costa Vida and it was really good. And then 15 minutes later I was in the bathroom, sick as a dog, which was evident by the outhouse effect going on in my toilet. I'm pretty sure there were flies in there. It was bad. Anyway, later that night I had my hand in the Peanut Butter M&M's bag, my finger was touching one of those delicious little buggers, and I resisted. I withdrew my hand from the bag. Sure it probably had something to do with the epic nightmare I left behind in the bathroom, but I'm still proud of myself. In that moment, I was a winner. So, today I start new. I haven't had any chocolate. I will try and resist. And the day is not over yet. I can still do 15 minutes of Pilate's when I get home and that's really good. I need to learn, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. This is where my compulsive behavior comes in. It is good and bad, all at the same time. See, when I was living in Connecticut, my home away from home, and working as a personal trainer I had the opportunity to participate in an "Aerobic Trek" after the holiday season. And since I worked there (among other places - yes stinky bagel shop, we'll always have the onions) I just stayed at the gym when I wasn't working or training and I worked out. I mean I WORKED out! Towards the end of the competition, there were days I literally worked out for 7 hours in a day. I would just move from machine to machine. Elliptical. Bike. Treadmill. You name it, I did it. Now I wouldn't recommend this, however, it proved to me that I can do just about anything if I put my mind to it. And it was worth the 10 massages from the in house massage therapist that I won from my boss as a result of beating out a veteran gym competitor that typically won each year. Anyway, the point of the story is not to brag. It's to show that I tend to fixate on things and I can't let go. I need balance. I don't want to feel bad if I miss one day of working out or if I have a bad night decision where I eat stove top stuffing with crackers and cheese spread for dinner (that was Wednesday night!). Life is not perfect. So if I can get in 15 minutes of exercise and that's all, good enough.

Okay, the moment you have all been waiting for. I weighed in this morning. It wasn't as bad as I thought, although it's still bad, so be gentle. Oh, and I had T take some photos of me this morning cuz visuals are good for tracking progress. I'm also including measurements, because I know that if I want accuracy I shouldn't rely on just a scale. Fasten your seat belts, here we go.....



Weight: 215.8       
Height: 5'5"

Measurements
Arms: 14"
Chest: 43"
Rib Cage: 39.5"
Stomach: 47"
Hips: 53"
Thighs: 27"
Knees: 19"
Calves: 18"
I didn't do my cankles.

There you have it. That's me, in a nut shell. I thought it funny how symmetrical I am. I measured each of my arms and legs individually and they were the same. Funny huh? Okay, well that's it for today. Have a great weekend people.