Did you ever hear this phrase growing up, either indirectly or very directly...."Nothing good happens after Midnight"? Well sometimes I think nothing good happens after 5pm. I have the hardest time in the evenings when it comes to making good food choices. Once I get home from work, my brain is dead. It's been a particularly busy work week and it's only Wednesday! I had planned to make dinner, but after running some errands on the way home, and dealing with traffic, I didn't stand a chance. We had DQ (which was really good, I won't lie). I was totally ready to have something just hit my hunger square in the face. Mission accomplished. And then some. See when I'm tired I tend to eat. I can tell that what my body really needs is to rest. But I don't. I push through the exhaustion to accomplish whatever it is that I'm doing whether it's something that really needs to be done or not. I can function on little sleep for a few weeks before the monster in me comes out and I melt down. BUT...it's not healthy to do this. I've been having alot of headaches lately and there's no doubt it is from lack of sleep. Why don't I just go to bed? I love sleep. Anyway, so there I am. Just finished stuffing my face full of DQ and then what did I do? I ate some cookies. Not just one or two but like 4 or 5. I really don't remember. They were small, but still. That is not the point. I know how many calories there are in a serving. I looked the other day. And I still chose to eat them. Why do I do this to myself? I took Mojo for a walk that night in attempts to feel something other than remorse. I wasn't very pleased or happy with myself and in the mean time, still extremely tired.
Today, I am having a great day! I was a little ornery this a.m. due to lack of sleep and hunger. I didn't have time to make a lunch so I grabbed 2 little cuties and ran out the door. I knew I was going to have to buy lunch and I really didn't want to buy breakfast. I also knew, as soon as I got to work, I would get busy and wouldn't get any food for awhile. SO...in a desperate and self-convincing moment, I stopped at Carl's JR on the way to work and got a Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit (which are so deliciously amazing and surprisingly cheap). I ate that on the way to work. It hit the spot and stopped my hunger for quite some time, I'm sure due to the calories and protein. About 10:30 I ate my cuties and had some popcorn that I made in the microwave, and although I could have easily eaten the entire bag, I decided to put the rest on the table outside my office, for my co-workers to snack on. I felt good about not going overboard, even on a light, healthy snack. I can't say I'll have as much self control the next time I hit up the Megaplex. Oh, how I love theater popcorn. <sigh with a smile>
I had a great workout with T. My body is starting to feel alive again and although I am still sleeping and will probably be hitting the H on my keyboard over and over again later when I keep dozing off, I am glad I exercised. We did arms and abs with some inter mitten walking in the parking garage. It was great. Now I'm ready for my 6 inch sub from Subway (hey I have enough points for a free sub - don't judge) and some more water. I've also made a goal to take Mojo for a 20 min walk each night. He is 5 years old and after his slipped disc episode, I really can't afford to not give him the exercise he needs. He's small and I could throw the ball up and down the hall for 5 minutes and he would be tired. But it's better for both of us if we get outside. Besides, he has to go out each night before bed anyway, so might as well just do it.
I'm feeling confident that tonight I will overcome my 5pm Midnight failures of doing something stupid or eating things I don't really want. And I'm learning to not beat myself up over the little things. I just started my new journey and there are bound to be times when I don't do things perfectly and that is OK. I am not perfect, I'm just me.
There's a few quotes that I just love that I wanted to share. They are inspiring and help me to stay grounded. I'm not sure who said this first one, but it goes like this:
"We must all live with one of two pains. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret."
A few lines from a Taylor Swift song (lines aren't in order of how the song goes):
"Today is never too late to be brand new" And "You lost your balance on the tight rope, it's never too late to get it back"
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." - Andy Warhol
I am on a journey to improve myself, not just physically, but mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I hope anyone reading this will remember that we all make mistakes, we all have imperfections and although things may look perfect on the outside, we are all struggling with something or things in our lives. Be gentle, loving and understanding of one another and most importantly, of yourself!!