Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I'm Wide Awake

Have y'all heard Katy Perry's song "Wide Awake"? I love that song, especially the lines "And now it's clear to me That everything you see Ain't always what it seems". This is exactly how I feel. Since I started blogging again and especially being so frank with my feelings, not holding anything back, I feel Wide Awake. Things seem so clear to me, even when they aren't. They are. I am starting to notice the spirit more in my daily life. I'm noticing my moods, whether changing or even, I can feel a difference within myself.

I have been reflecting a lot over the last week about the last few years of my life. We have truly been blessed. I have 2 extremely adorable and tender-hearted boys, who make me laugh and smile every day and remind me to stay young (oh the energy they have, it's unreal!). Keith has had some major trials with his health and in turn his trials have been my trials. It seems just when we come to the end of the road, it bends and curves and we find ourselves faced with another challenge, whether it be related to a previous problem or not. From specialist to specialist, procedure after procedure, and 2 surgeries later, it's possible some of his problems may never fully go away. But we keep fighting and praying for answers and a resolution. It's been a long road and it's not over yet. Recently, Keith participated in a sleep study, as part of the Pulmonologist's quest to find some sort of relief with his chronic cough. Keith has suffered with severe bouts of insomnia and at times, I think it's been due to the various health problems he's had, keeping him up at night.They discovered that he has severe sleep apnea; he stops breathing about 48 times an hour. I could NOT believe this! He is so lucky to be alive, when I think of everything he's been through and the amount of strain that has been put on his body in the last 3 1/2 years, we are truly blessed. Those blessings have been masked by confusion, doubt, fear, anger, frustration and at times of selfishness / self pity (okay maybe more than 'times', at least on my part). But God has never left our side, not for one minute. I feel a little bad that it has taken me this long to figure out how to cope with the stress and unknown. I haven't been very gracious at times but I'm already noticing a huge change in our home.

I have an app on my phone that is scripture of the day. I love it. Today's scripture is: Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." This scripture is perfect for what Keith and I are going through but really, when doesn't this scripture apply to life in general. It doesn't mean our problems will get easier or that we will always handle situations like we should. With faith and hope we can look forward to the future knowing, as long as we follow His will and do our best, even in the darkest and loneliest times of our lives we can find happiness and peace. We are never alone.

On a lighter note, to all those coming to kickboxing this Saturday, start pumping yourselves up. It's going to rock your world! T and I had an awesome kickboxing session . Although we only did 25 minutes it totally kicked my butt but I loved every minute. Bring it!

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