Pigeons VS Statues

Today I received an email forward from my mom, who in turn received it from her boss. This is worth sharing, so I’m going to post it here. These are NOT my words.

A young lady confidently walked around the room, with a raised glass of water, while leading and explaining stress management to an audience. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or
half full?'...

She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz. She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.

Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue! 

Back to me…

What a great lesson to learn. Last week was so crazy for me. I had several instances at work where I really had no control over the outcome and I let it get to me. I mean, Friday morning I was having a total freak out, melt down moment in my office, to my co-workers amusement. I’m a planner. Yeah I can fly by the seat of my pants but I just like to know what’s going on. Well due to some unforeseen circumstances, I had to change my schedule around, then back, then around again, along with my upcoming and oh-so-needed time off from work. So you can see it was really starting to get to me. Suddenly I had a lot to do in a short amount of time and working late on a Friday and Monday aren’t things I typically enjoy doing. In the end, it will be fine and as a result, something that I do want to happen and could benefit my career. So I can appreciate that it’s a good thing. Just would have preferred it happening in a different way. My way, to be exact. What’s wrong with that?!

Stress is a killer. I have carried stress with me most of my adult life. Another reason exercise is good, it relieves said stress. Still, is there really this gigantic need for so much busyness in our lives? Which in turn leads to more stress? Of course there’s no need, yet we continue to pile it on, as if more is better. As women, we tend to take on more than we should. We don’t allow others to help us. Our burden of stress is so astronomical we are literally killing ourselves and aging much quicker than we need to.

At the end of the day, what matters most is my family. The relationships I have in my life. How I interact with people and if I am happy with the person I am, the person I am becoming. No regrets. That is the new motto of my life. Even when I make a mistake, something good always comes of it, even if it hurts. That’s why we are here, to be tested, to learn, to grow. Change is good right? Yes, the answer is yes. Change is good. And as Any Warhol said, “they always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself” so why not start now.   

What are you going to be today? A pigeon. Or a statue.

Slow Blink

I have been dragging ALL. WEEK. LONG. It’s only Wednesday. I mean…Wednesday? Really? Come on. I think it’s in part from the very busy weekend, late nights, and huge consumptions of food (thank you Super Bowl). Monday and Tuesday were late nights. Why I do this to myself, I’ll never know. Didn’t I just post a mantra on the benefits of sleep to your health? I need to read that post again.

Last night I was ubber lazy. My Boo got me a Valentine’s Day ice cream treat and I totally indulged and it was delicious. I felt pretty gross afterwards because that’s the most sugar I’ve eaten in about a month. But it was nice. The kids were in bed early and we got to snuggle on the couch and watch TV. Those days are few and far between at my house. Anyway, I was feeling guilty about it last night but this morning I didn’t feel bogged down like I would have expected from a late night treat. I think my metabolism is adjusting to the exercise and better food choices I’ve been making. And really, we shouldn’t feel guilty for indulging once in a while. I mean, we’ve got to live right?! Who wants a life full of uptight “me’s” and ornery “I’s”? Not this girl! So today….back on that horse. In retrospect, it’s kind of nice knowing that my treat for the week is out of the way, rather than leaving it for the weekend which is usually when I’m the weakest.

We got an elliptical. I absolutely love it. A friend came over and put it together for us lickety split and I loved that even more. It’s soooo nice. I love having something at home I can just hop on and workout. And it’s a great quality machine. I’ve worked with a few in my day. For what we paid, well I wouldn’t have expected it to be so nice. We got a great deal, so I’m pleased. Monday night, 9:30 I jumped on and holy crap it was like trying to run in quicksand! Ok maybe just sand, but I was struggling. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on an elliptical. I’m sure my muscles just need to adjust to the new kind of movement. I was really surprised though. I’ve been exercising regularly now for about 5 weeks. I thought it would be easier. I’m sure lack of sleep played a part as well. I’m excited to get moving on it again, and to see how quickly I can improve with it. I really need to work on not using it as a crutch to not workout during the day, when I’m able to. Nights are hard. I am usually totally beat and worn out come 9pm. I don’t really want to start doing my workouts then. However, sometimes it’s the only time. I will say this, I felt so much better come Tuesday morning than I did on Monday. I was soooo tired on Monday, dragging like a piece of toilet paper stuck to a shoe. And although I still stayed up late on Monday night, I really didn’t feel as sleepy.  Tired yes, but I could keep my eyes open most of the day. Score one for me. Tuesday I had a great hour long walk during lunch, which helped since my plan to use the elliptical failed with my totally worth it night of self-indulgence. Tonight, back on the machine (after another hour long walk) and as hard as it is and as much as I might want to give up, I won’t. I will push myself to go a little bit longer and work a little bit harder because in the end, that is what I really want. THAT is what I really need.

With any goal in life you are bound to have set backs. However, setbacks can be a good thing. They help us to realize we do want to keep moving forward. Setbacks help us realize what we really want in life and just how hard we are willing to work. Set a goal for tomorrow. It doesn’t have to be big. Focus on that goal and if you don’t reach it, don’t beat yourself up. Set the same goal for Friday. Keep doing that and eventually you will reach that goal. It’s a great feeling to accomplish something challenging, especially when there’s an inner struggle to give up. Don’t Give Up! You can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to keep reminding yourself of what you really want and reset the clock.

I love the quote from Anne of Green Gables where’s she’s talking to Miss Stacy.

“Tomorrow is another day, with no mistakes in it.”

Classic Cami

I decide to put up 2 posts. It is going to be a very busy weekend and I’ll be lucky if I have time to pee, so here ya go.

The other day, I heard a song on the radio that brought back a memory and put a smile on my face. Are y’all familiar with Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” song? If you aren’t, you’re probably gonna wanna YouTube it or pull up Pandora and listen before you continue reading. It’ll make this little antidote more meaningful.

When I first started working downtown, it was about the end of May 2007. I had just moved to a different department in the bank, right after I got married. It was fun and exciting to be in the city. This was shortly before the City Creek construction started. ZCMI was still in place, as well as the parking garage. My first few days of work, I wasn’t sure what to expect or where to park. So I paid to park at the ZCMI mall / parking garage that was right on South Temple, next to my office building. It’s kind of funny to think back on those days, everything is so different now.

One day when I was leaving work, I got in my little silver Honda Civic and was heading down from the top of the parking structure. I don’t remember the time of day but it was warm and sunny out, blue skies and clouds. It was a nice day. “Bad Day” was playing on the radio and I was singing along, feeling pretty happy. As I got towards the bottom of the parking garage, I started heading down a long, dark “tunnel” (I suppose you could call it that), where there were parking booth’s and gates at the bottom. There were no cars or lights in that direction, nothing to indicate it was an active exit. I had seen a sign at the top of the tunnel that said “card only” but thought it meant credit card. Yeah. I was wrong. There were no attendants in the booths. This was only for people that had a regular parking pass. DOH! What am I going to do? WHAT am I going to do?!? What am I going TO DO?!?!?! What could I do but put my car in reverse and start backing up. Well it was still early in the afternoon and there weren’t too many people leaving yet, thank goodness. I was almost home free. Except I wasn’t home free. Suddenly there was a car behind me. NO! Are you kidding me?! I don’t know how many of you remember what those old parking garages were like, but there weren’t a lot of lights and those tunnels were very narrow. So I poke my head out of the window and yell for the person behind me to back up, all while flailing my arms to show a backwards motion. This is just soooo typical of me. I’m always doing stupid, ditzy things like this. I mean, honestly, how dumb do you have to be to not just pay attention to your surroundings and avoid this?

In the end, things worked out just fine. It wasn’t really that big of a deal and it was pretty funny. I was laughing at myself on the drive home. I thought “How appropriate that this song is playing on the radio at the exact moment that I do something so monumentally stupid.” As I think back on this story, I realize that I do things like this all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m a pretty smart girl and I can hold my own. But there’s that other part of me that just does the dumbest things. Whether it's because I’m trying to hurry or I’m just not paying attention, when I think back i see similarities in these experiences. Sometimes I'm able to blow it off and other times I get so angry with myself and fester and fester until I'm even more angry. Every time I do something like this I think to myself, you need to slow down and pay attention! Stop getting yourself into these kinds of situations! And here we are again…. I have dozens of stories like this; maybe I’ll share another someday. The point of the story, well I dunno other than I hope it was a good laugh and I guess try to see the silver lining in all situations.

Today’s emergency is tomorrow’s afterthought.  

SLEEP

It has been a very long and exhausting week. I. AM. TIRED. It’s been one thing after another and I feel like I have been running on fumes since Saturday. Last week I actually had 3 very late nights in a row and when I finally was able to get some decent sleep on Saturday and Sunday night I was reminded how vital sleep is to our well-being. If you are anything like me, you tend to overextend yourself, filling up your days with errands, projects and attempts to keep your house from decomposing. Since the beginning of January I've been trying really hard to get regular sleep and I noticed a big difference. I wasn’t nearly as ornery or moody or edgy for that fact. I was better equipped to deal with the challenges of my day and not let it throw me for the biggest loop, which inevitably would lead to an adult sized tantrum, whether inside my head or out for the whole world to see (or at least my husband and children).

Sometimes craziness is not avoidable. I need to continually remind myself to slow down and simplify. Working full time and having a family is challenging. There is always one more mess to clean up, on less meal that gets cooked, one more moment where I feel like I should be giving my children attention but also working on the loads and loads of laundry piling up. So when I do have free time away from work, it is jammed packed full of ‘things’. Most of those ‘things’ don’t really matter, not in that very moment, but I’m so busy running around I can’t stop to take a breath and realize that it can wait and isn’t going to keep me from entering those purly white gates one day. For me, sleep has a lot to do with this kind of behavior. If I’m tired and running on fumes, the key to not letting everything fall apart and me collapse in a heap on the ground? DON'T STOP MOVING. This is SOOOOO unhealthy and self-destructive. I can feel myself slipping back into that and there comes a point when the messes just need to stay and my head needs to hit that pillow. Therefore, in efforts to keep from reverting back to my old ways, I am going to focus this next week on getting sleep. We are all different. Some of us can function on little sleep and others need more. Listen to what your body is telling you and then do it. I tend to feel very groggy and sluggish if I sleep more than 7 ½ hours at the most. 7 hours a night is my goal; maybe 8 on a weekend morning but not every day. That is perfect, I feel rested and refreshed; ready for the day and have sufficient energy to tackle the daily ins and outs of my life.

I challenge each of you to take a look at your routine. Are you one that needs a little more sleep to ward off the mommy monsters or maybe a little less in order to feel a little lighter and energetic? Whatever the case may be for you, take a moment to re-evaluate and see just how much it can improve your day.

Happy Weekend!

Just Another Project

Years ago, when I was in college and long before I met Keith, I started writing a book of short stories / experiences about my life. I've been thinking about starting that up again. I'd basically have to start from scratch because I have NO idea where it is. I'm sure, stored away in an anciently old computer, you know the kind with the boxy monitors? Hey, it was like 2003. Ha ha. That sounds funny because that wasn't that long ago, yet it seems like forever when you think of how much technology has changed. Anyhow, so I've been thinking about writing again. I don't know that I want to write anything to publish, not yet at least. I don't consider myself a writer and with Keith working so hard to make this happen, I mean this is his dream! And he's good, I mean really good. I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to compete with that. I'm not trying to compete. My writing are stories, nay mere silliness really. Nothing compared to the layering creativity that he's producing. However, I keep thinking about it. So maybe it's worth putting out there. I thought, since I'm blogging again, maybe I will occasionally post a chapter on here, as a way to start bringing it back from the dead.

The title of my book is Don't Tell Anyone, Not Even Air. This probably seems strange and a little ridiculous but when I think of that, it makes me laugh so hard and brings to mind so many memories of my early adult years. First though, we need to start back when I was an awkward 12 year old girl. I really need to get some old photos of me scanned onto my laptop so I can post some of them on here. Hilarious. Gotta love the 80's. I guess by then it was the early 90's but still, awkward is as awkward looks. Puberty wasn't kind to me. When I turned 12 I received my first journal. It was your typical red, hard covered book with medium sized spaced lines inside and gold embossing on the front that said Journal. Nothing fancy but I loved it. I was so excited to receive this special gift from one of my church leaders. This was going to be epic. A place where I could spill the deepest, darkest, most intimate and private details of my life. Because at that point, life was pretty titillating. Utah suburban life in the early 90's...that's down right scandalous. So, in order to protect myself and my journal from prying eyes, I enlisted a few rules, which I immediately wrote in the front cover of my journal. I don't remember each rule in detail. They were pretty ridiculous. Rules like, "If you find this, don't read it". "If you do read this, immediately forget what you read." and the kicker...."If you read this....Don't tell anyone, not even air." LOL! I'm dying just typing this. How freaking ridiculous does this sound and yet I was so dead serious about it. I still have this journal, somewhere in my bedroom. I should probably find it to get those rules exactly (watch for that in the finished manuscript). What a gem to have from my childhood. Well the story doesn't stop there.

In the early 2000's I lived in Salt Lake City, on 9th East and roughly 9th South. I lived with some pretty hilarious girls and we were wild and crazy and did strange but fun things like throw Zoolander parties and make up dances to Brittney Spears' songs, such as hit me "Baby One More Time". One very late night, while avoiding an ever mounting pile of homework, I found said blessed journal and immediately had to show my roommates. We were all about the giggles and this was just too darn funny not to share. Well, to my glorious surprise, one of my roommates made me a t-shirt for Christmas that said "Don't Tell Anyone, Not Even Air". I was so excited. At the time my friends were particularly into making t-shirts with funny quotes on them, mostly from movies or lyrics from songs. They were usually brightly colored shirts with white fuzzy lettering that puffed up off the shirt a bit. I loved this shirt. I used to wear it all the time. I am not even sure what happened to it. I probably threw it away during one of my cleaning frenzies to make room for more important things in my closet or figured I'd never be tiny enough again to fit into it so why bother holding onto it. I'll have to find the shirt, if not, I know I have a picture of it somewhere. Because...you see the story continues from there.

After I finished college, I moved to CT for awhile. I needed to get away from the stresses of school and work. In the beginning I was only going to be out there for the summer. I ended up staying for a couple years, but that's another story, another chapter...or 3. Well while I was in CT, my 2 sisters and brother-in-law came out to visit me during that first summer. While they were there we went to NYC. I love NYC. Such a fun place. One day while we were walking around Manhattan, my younger sister and I passed another forgettable someone, who turned out to be not so unforgettable. For anyone that's spent time in a large city, or even in Salt Lake for that matter (City Creek Freaks as I've heard the phrase coined), there's a fair amount of crazies around. People are just weird and funny and weird. HA! So here we are, walking down the street, just looking around and weaving in and out of people, where out of the blue some guy yells at the top of his lungs...."DON'T TELL ANYONE NOT EVEN AIR". He gave us a toothy smile (I'm pretty sure he was missing some) and a freaky little cackle all while walking right past us. We busted up laughing, it was so funny! And when I think all of this came about because of some silly rule I put in my very first journal I can't help but smile. It only seems fitting to be the title of my book and so there you have it. Maybe this silly little phrase will make it's way into the world once again and hopefully bring a smile to other's faces as it has to mine so many times in the past.

Monday Morning Weigh-In + one teeny, tiny confession....

Today’s weigh-in: 212. Not bad! Hey, baby steps right? I think the no sugar last week definitely helped. Now I just need to focus on less carbs, at least the kind that I don’t really need. If I can keep going the way I have been, I’ll definitely be on track to reach my intermediate goal of under 200 lbs by April 14th (my anniversary).

The last few days I’ve been thinking about what is it that keeps me from reaching my full potential? I’m a firm believer that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it, and with the help of God, of course. Yet, I seem to struggle with the same things, over and over again. What is it that makes us insecure with ourselves? We all have things we try to hide or are embarrassed about, whether those things are good or bad. I have a confession to make. I’m a singer. I love to sing. It makes me so happy. And I’m a good singer. I took 7 years of private voice lessons, starting when I was 14. I’ve actually recorded 2 CD’s; one is a Christmas / Italian Classical album and the other is more contemporary and modern. I’m not sure I love how the 2^nd one turned out but it doesn’t matter. Not that many people have heard it. I’m almost more embarrassed telling you this than I am reporting what my weight is. What is wrong with me?! I’m definitely not as good as I used to be; I don’t practice regularly unless you count in the car and at church choir. But I still recognize that I have this talent. I have great pitch and can usually tell easily if someone is flat or sharp. I have a great memory for notes, as in; I can remember a tune or melody after hearing it only once or twice. I can read music. I don’t have a strong theory background but never pursued it much. So there it is. I said it. Why am I insecure, when I know I can sing, have sung several solo’s throughout my life, and probably will again in the future. I’m not afraid to tell people that I’m one helleva knitter, that I’m a fantastic cook and baker, that I’m funny and can still be spastic if I want to. I have lots of talents and qualities that make me great. So why do I let this one little thing cause my shoulders to cave in, creating a sinking feeling of folding into myself? I don’t know. I just do. I’m trying to overcome all insecurities. If I’m not afraid to be embarrassed or humiliated, even if the chances of that happening are enormous or slim, I wouldn’t care one way or the other what anyone thought of me, EVER. And guess what…skies the limit. If I have no secrets, then there’s nothing to keep me from looking each and every person I make contact with on a daily basis, in the eye, with confidence and excitement about who I am and willing to share who I am with anyone I know.

I hope by confessing this to the world, well “world” (take it with a grain of salt, it’s just the internet!), that I will feel a little less like a folding chair and a little more like a blow-up doll, who has a brain. That didn’t make any sense but you catch my drift.

I’m not saying we all have to stand on our roof tops and shout to the world our inner darkest and deepest secrets, but I’m sure there is something about yourself you are embarrassed to share; something that only a few people in your life know about. Maybe it’s not a talent per say, but there are reasons you are holding back, whether it be in a career, in a relationship with someone in your life, with your own personal goals and aspirations. Take a leap of faith. LET GO! It’s liberating and you might just find you are standing a little taller, lifting your head a little higher and smiling a little bigger. Ü

Love yourself, in all your glory; the good, the bad and the ugly (not that any of you are ugly…)

LOVE YOURSELF

Sacrifice

Keith and I have decided to sell our car. Since he quit his job we have been finding ways to sacrifice and cut back. We decided if we are really going to make a go at him becoming published, we need to focus only on that. Which means he'll be working but not making money, at least not right now. Hopefully that will change in the next 4 to 6 months. It is an exciting time and yet, a little nerve wracking. So even though we own our car, it just makes sense for us to sell it and use the money towards making our savings stretch to help cover the gap between our monthly expenses and my income. We've looked at every scenario and I know this is the right thing for us to do. What this means for my early morning commute is that I will be riding the bus. Thankfully I get an extremely discounted monthly bus pass from work. The hard part is the route. There's a stop that picks up right in front of my house, which is nice. And where it drops off is only about 3 blocks away from my office. I can easily hop on Trax and ride the rest of the way. The route back home is a little trickier. Based on the bus schedule, I will have to adjust my work hours back 30 mins. Then where the bus drops off is about a 20 - 30 minute walk, depending on my speed. I can easily have Keith come pick me up, but what a pain to lug the kids into the car just to pick me up and come home. Doesn't really seem worth it to me. The biggest down fall is that I will be getting home about an hour and 15 minutes later. Grrr. My baby already is in bed between 6:30 and 7 (I know how awesome is that right?! I know you're all jealous!!). I won't see my kids as much, which means I'll have to work even harder to make each second count and give them as much attention at night as possible, which can be difficult depending on the day. We are going to save a lot of money doing this. I know it. And I am looking forward to not having to drive into Salt Lake every morning at the crack of dawn when it's cold and icy and I'm just too tired to deal with stupid drivers. I will have time on the bus to read, work on my knitting or sleep, which is probably what will happen most of the time. A week from tomorrow is when my new routine will take flight. After today's commute, I'm really looking forward to it. It's a sacrifice, one that may seem unnecessary to a lot of people. But for us, it makes sense. Sacrifice brings forth blessings, right?! Let's hope so. Keith is making good progress on his work schedule during the evenings and pretty soon it'll just start pouring out of him. He's such a good writer. He doesn't know it yet but he's going to have great influence on the world with his writing. He's very thoughtful and creative. I love to listen to his story ideas and the manuscript as he reads me new chapters. I'm excited for him to start focusing on the better things in life, instead of being consumed with trying to help him get better.

So much of parenthood is sacrifice. Putting off what you want today for a better life for your children tomorrow. So much of life is sacrifice. If we want to push ourselves, learn and grow, we must make sacrifices in some form or another. I love the quote "We must all live with one of two pains; the pain of sacrifice of the pain of regret." I am really trying to put off my own desires to make our lives better. To make my own life better. It's hard. I'm a selfish person by nature. I have a hard time not pushing for what I want. Think of something you want to change about yourself. Tomorrow try and give up that thing, whatever it is, for part of the day, for the entire day, or just resist if it be a vice of yours. It feels so good to say, hey, that was hard but I did it. I went without or I let go. I didn't give in! Baby steps people. Line upon line. "Today I didn't have a roll or butter with my salad. Success!!" Even if only in that moment, it was more time I resisted and I felt good because of it.

Keith and I decided to get an elliptical. We really need something at the house that he can do and that will not agitate his back. We are both really excited about it and I know it will help us with our goals as a couple as well as our individual goals. It is amazing to me how, since my little journey began and I decided to trust more and control less, our relationship seems stronger. Maybe I am just happier overall and so I feel like every aspect of my life is better. Oh don't worry, it's not. I still spend a fair amount of time yelling at Wrigley because he seriously NEVER listens to me. The kid is a little devil right now. I can NOT wait for him to start school. Maybe I need to get him into a tumbling class. Anyone know of a good and relatively cheap tumbling class in Centerville for toddlers. That sounds funny saying, he doesn't seem like a toddler to me, but he is only 3. Next to Ryno he seems like a giant! Anyway, I really feel like in just the last 3 weeks we have made some serious progress towards our goals for the year and making some very critical decisions for our future. Now the real test, can we do it?! YES, of course. As long as we don't give up and don't let the little setbacks get us down.

Like for me, last night we had DQ for dinner. I was starving because I didn't eat enough during the day. Then blew it on my dinner. My workout today was decent but could have been a lot better because I was tired and feeling bogged down (definitely didn't get enough sleep the last 2 nights!), and my right hammy - hamstring - is very tight, I think from Kickboxing on Wednesday. So tonight I try to get to bed a little earlier, which may requiring me to drug my child since he's the reason I haven't been sleeping well, and tomorrow try to push myself a little more. Eat a little better and love myself a little more, despite all the insecurities that tell me I shouldn't.

Farewell Brooklyn (Keith named her before we met). You've been good to us in so many ways. The old bat can still get up and go. Gotta love er. MUWAH!